A friend of mine asked us during a weekly gathering for our youth community. This casual remarks might have intended only for some laughs, but this question my life poignantly. I have been, either consciously or unconsciously, worried by the prospect of making error on my job. After work-hours, I have been constantly distressed about the possibility of error-prone activities on the following working days, and, on the weekend I was simply could not rest and enjoy it for the sake of wanting to come to the office to see whether everything is fine. These crazy thoughts have caused calamity on my mind and disrupted my state of inner peace, which in turn, robbed me of precious deep sleep.
My beloved ones relentlessly admonished me to cheer up and rise up to the challenge, not to be sad whatsoever happens. I don’t want to waste their time, but at times, I felt inclined to express my insecurities to them as I feel a cloud of sadness shrouded my feelings in suffocating manner. We express most of our anger and complaints to our loved ones, because they are closest to us that able to make us comfortable enough to lavish all the struggles within. These toxic chain of reactions occurred until at one point, during a prayer, a thought dawned upon me that the reason behind this is I try to assume control in everything that is uncontrollable.
We express most of our anger and complaints to our loved ones, because they are closest to us that able to make us comfortable enough to lavish all the struggles within.
As you grow, and as you have more experience, the more we have things that we must consider. Once we only thought whether the sneaker or sport shoes that suits or style more, now we think whether a $2 candy is really worth it. However, more and more things to think about doesn’t necessarily lead to the equation that you have more grip to control. Plenty of things that are beyond our reach that we cannot tame, where just one thing out of order could mess everything up. Sounds too depressing and impossible to live this life alone? That’s exactly what I have felt after I turned into a salarymen.
The nuts and bolts from previous aspects of life now being added with the garnish from workplace’s pressure. There has to be an outer force that is far more powerful and matchless power to plan, direct, and guide us through all the storms in this life. Yes, God takes control of everything and we cannot just rely on our own understanding. Consider this story below.
Jacob was a man whom had always tried, fought, tackled everything that went against his way. He attempted to foresee his future, and made every effort to make sure all the right elements fell into place, even that means that he must cunningly wend other people’s lives. From the right to gain blessing from inheritance into wife, he was the man in charge. He was willing to broke his brotherhood for the sake of riches of blessings, that resulting in the death threat by his very own brother. He had always lived his life in perpetual struggle and insecurity, counting days when his brother Esau will come and pawned his head.
Until one dark night inside the darkest moment of his heart, when he met a mysterious man whom wrestled all the night in order to bring salvation to him. Even when he knew that his opponent was not his match, he was the least people of the whole earth to throw a towel to surrender. Fighting for pride was always more important for him rather than foolish attempt to overcome God Himself. The beauty of Jacob’s story took place when he finally admit, that there is one thing that he had always been severely lacking inasmuch as he was desperately needed, the grace of God that accepts and loves him as he is. He was finally able to relinquish to internal struggle by cried out, “Bless me Lord!”, a sound of admittance of God’s sovereignty over his life. Now, Jacob was a man who wrestled with God and prevailed until God blessed Him and preserved his life.
Jesus has humbled Himself down, and took a form of a man to wrestle with our doubts and unbeliefs about God’s relevance in our life.
If you feel that you are thrown out of boat, you need a lifebuoy to cling your hope for salvation upon. When Jacob could mot prevail during his wrestle with God, he clinged and begged for blessings. How we deal with The Lord depends on how we see ourself and how we see God. Jesus has humbled Himself down, and took a form of a man to wrestle with our doubts and unbeliefs about God’s relevance in our life. He was more than willing to demonstrate that only God can make us know the God whom we can release the control over. The biggest transformation takes place when we admits that our world of fighting is nothing as we are weak, and confess and begs to enter into realm of grace as He is the source of our strength. It takes a lot pf heart to say that we depend on God’s provision as it deals a lot with our pride.
We cannot renovate our own exterior, only the Maker could fix our own interior, internally. God calls Jacob as a victor, when he was finally able to triumph over his unbelief and rested his hope on God, believing fully of his grace. Trusting God that means handing over the control to God, while worrying means that we feel no reason to harbor our hope in Him. At that time Jacob could not see how Esau might stop to chase him, but he met God intervened that showed He is in the authority to save. He has shed His blood of sacrifice on the cross, paid all of our guilts before God, that we can be joyful in the triumph over life and death through the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
We have always been fighting for our rights, possesions, satisfaction, and never say to surrender. We want control in our lives, but the more we wrestle with God, the more we feel restless about our life. What you have been wrestling with God that makes you restless? There is nothing we could control, but there is no thing that He could not control. Life is about trusting God, surrendering that all is by His grace.