I have been experiencing many diseases in my life, to describe it colloquially, from tip of my hair to my tiptoe. The direct consequences of these are not only several discomforts but even worse, consuming a hell lot of drugs, in terms of quality and quantity. These presumably commodities that were hoped for curing the causes are, like any coin, has two faces on its identity. On one side it brings antidote to the sickness, on the other side they possess their own unique threats.
Unconsciously, I have became addicted and dependant on drugs where I opt for treating rather than preventing. My mind was ignorant of what my health would be in the future, safeguarding myself with a stock of medicine that I stored at home. I have poured out all of my trusts into medicine rather than God as my healer. It’s not that I against taking medicine, but it is on whom your heart trusts upon.
It was when my mother and my girlfriend were expressing their deepest care through emotional tone in their speech that made me realize how my life had been dependant on drugs rather than God. I have confessed that Jesus is God, but without applying it into my health as an aspect of life. It is like studying business without understanding what does the term profit means, isn’t it? As foolish as I was, it needed someone to yell at me and put the message of truth in the stoutest expression as clear as possible.
I learned that panicking when the symptom appears only drag me into the further abyss. Trying to show to myself and the world that I could actually take care of myself, running around here and there like a chick to cover my weakness ain’t gonna help. I have to confeess that how hard could it be to admit that I have weaknesses, and even more showing it manifest in my life. As I walked to my office this morning, I imagined that if I have to buy a car, I have to buy the model and colour that boost my image, in other words, looked fabulous. If I just could purchase a rather common look model, then I would opt to not splash my cash on buying a car. Why? Because having a rather moderate car shows to people that I could only afford a mediocre car, and by not having a car at all would, at least, provide me with an excuse that I don’t need one that’s why I don’t buy one despite I have a lot of cash, as a shield to protect my self-esteem of course.
All in all, all of past excruciating experiences in dealing with diseases and discomforts cornered me, and points me to the truth that I have longe for: The Lord is my Salvation, and yes, He is the only one. He covered Israelites under His wings and gave them providence and protection. I admit that it takes humility to accept God’s grace and healings when He wants to heal me. I need to show my weakness, running under His wings, and living the word, that My God’s strength is shown perfect in my weaknesses.